I now completely understand what a yo-yo feels like. It is not just the up and down, up and down over and over, it is the fact that you cannot stop it. You are completely controled by the yo-yoee..that person who is tossing you around on the end of the string. Sure, he can make you do some nifty tricks, but there you are, at the mercy of the controler. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, or ungratefull or even resentful. I guess I am just tired of the up/down/up and feeling like I have no way out of it.
After pulling through a tough illness, having stress at work, and feeling like a balloon with a slow leak, I am ready for some kind of upbeat adventure. I am also ready to stop feeling like a cork on the waves. I need to take some control of my own life. I think God would agree with me, he has watched me wither on the sofa for too long, waiting sad time, drifting along, letting everything bufet me around until I am exhausted.
But, the sun is peeking out from behind the clouds...no, really it is...and the vitiman D is seeping into my soul. And for a breif moment, there is hope.
So I sit, in my office, waiting for my life to start moving in a foward direction. I know what I am being called to do, and I have known for years, I am just too overwhelmed by everything ELSE to do it. Now I need to place everything ELSE aside and pursue the calling.